How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
