In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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