All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
