I got chris browned last night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
