if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i believe in u and ur pee
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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