Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize