It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I looked at my own cervix.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
