me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
