Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Two words: nipple clamps
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