Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You may now shotgun with the bride
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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