Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
