i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
