woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
