we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
