I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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