Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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