feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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