11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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