Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
