Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
