also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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