I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
