I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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