remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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