Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
