It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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