Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
