i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
