They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
