As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
