I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize