After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
