It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
