69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
