exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
