your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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