so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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