is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
