people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
