I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
