The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
