We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
