so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
