Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
