his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
