I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
