quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
