They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
