we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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