bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
