Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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