Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize