I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
