FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize