Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
