I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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