she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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