she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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