Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my shit smells like andre
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
