I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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