Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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