Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
