I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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