? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
