My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
