She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
