so explain again why im purple
no
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
