You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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