Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
