38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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